


Lying is the most fun Dean Winchester can have without taking his clothes off

by sweatersandbowlegs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:50:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1804243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweatersandbowlegs/pseuds/sweatersandbowlegs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester did his best to ignore what the tabloids said about his ex boyfriend, the lead singer of the band The Fallen Five, but it gets harder to ignore his past when Castiel shows up in Kansas to do a charity event for Crowley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester's favorite day of the week was Friday for two reasons; Friday was his night to go out and drink, and no one would bother him about his border line alcoholism because they were all drinking too, and because he always got a home cooked meal at his parents house. So yeah, Friday's were awesome in Dean's book. Only this Friday was not going well. He had a late start in the morning because he forgot he was out of coffee, work sucked, and now- his one chance at happiness on Friday, was ruined too. Sam was late. Ten minutes late.

Sam was a lawyer, and he always got pissed off whenever his clients were late. Dean got pissed off when Sam was late to dinner. He couldn't start eating until his little brother showed up. Dean stared at the plate of burgers on the middle of the table unhappily. They were getting cold.

Dean wouldn't mind Sam being late if the guy had friends, or a girlfriend. However, Sam's only friend was his work. So really, it didn't make sense for him to be late at all in Dean's book.

“We've had to wait on you plenty of times before,” Mary reminded him, hoping it would calm Dean down. It didn't.

As if on cue, Sam walked through the door with a bog goofy grin on his face. Dean waited for him to sit in his usual spot across from their dad before he started piling food on his plate. Mary shook her head and laughed at her oldest son. She didn't know where he got his ridiculous appetite from. She glanced over at John who was doing the same thing and got her answer.

“Is everything okay, Sam?” Mary asked. The look on her youngest son's face said otherwise, but he was never late to things and she was a bit worried.

“Yeah, everything's fine! I'm really sorry I was late, mom. I got a call today from Gabriel and he wanted to meet up at Crowley's, and he kept me a little late,” he finished sheepishly.

Dean really wished he hadn't picked that moment to take a drink of his beer, because he promptly choked on it. “Gabriel Novak?”

“Do you know any other Gabriel's?”

Dean opened his mouth to say something snarky but was cut off by his mother, “What is he doing back in Kansas?”

“He's back because The Fallen Five are doing some charity event for Crowley,” Sam said it so nonchalantly that Dean almost forgot that he should be freaking out.

“The band..? So that means Cas is back?” 

The look of pity he received from all of his family members made him wish he hadn't of asked, but he had to know. 

“Yeah, he's back. Gabriel said he was out showing Balthazar around Lawrence.”  
Dean nodded slowly. He had heard about Balthazar. He saw the British guy with Castiel all the time in the tabloids. Journalists were always wondering if something was going on between the lead singer and the keyboard player. Dean hoped they were wrong and Cas was just close to the older man, but he knew Castiel too well. He hated being alone almost as much as he loved sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Mary drug Dean out of his toxic Cas filled thoughts with another question for Sam, “What is the charity event they'll be doing?”

“Well, they're just gonna play a bunch of covers of songs that the audience requests. There will be a donation bucket and all the drink sales will also go to the charity.”

“We'll have to make sure we go to support all the Novaks! Well, I haven't seen them since-” Mary was cut off by a sharp look from John. Dean knew what she was going to say. She hadn't seen any of the Novaks since Dean and Cas' falling out. 

“I'm definitely going. I want to see if I can get them to sing American Pie!” Sam declared with a grin on his face. 

Dean snorted, “Of course they'll sing that if it's requested. Cas loves that freaking song.”

“Yeah, Cas does, but Lucifer hates it.”

After that the dinner conversation shifted to how everyone's days went, and Dean was thankful for that. However, he couldn't shake the old memories that kept popping up in his brain. The memories were filled with a seventeen year old boy with perpetually messy hair and dark blue eyes playing guitar on his bed, softly singing to Dean.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Castiel and Balthazar showed up at Crowley's a few minutes after Sam left. 

“You just missed a Winchester,” Crowley teased after Castiel plopped down on a bar stool. 

“Does he know I'm here?” Castiel asked with a frown.

Crowley didn't have to ask who 'he' was. He was well aware of who Cas was talking about.

“Don't worry, angel. It wasn't your boy Dean. It was the moose, but he ran into Gabriel so I'm sure if he doesn't know yet, Dean-o will know soon. Don't be surprised if he shows up at your window tonight to serenade you.”

Castiel sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I'm only here for two weeks. Lawrence is big enough that we probably won't see each other, right? Knowing Dean he'll probably avoid me like the plague anyway.”

“Who's Dean?” Balthazar asked.

Crowley laughed as he poured his friend a drink, god knows he would need it. Knowing Castiel, he'd drink the place dry to make things less painful when he actually does run into Dean. “Dean is just one of Cas' old flames that lost the best damn thing that ever happened to him. Isn't that right, darling?”

Cas didn't answer. He just downed the shot of whiskey. Which really, was answer enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas writes Dean a song, that I wrote. And I apologize that it isn't very good. There will be more songs that Cas writes for Dean that will hopefully be better later on.

_Castiel was on his bed lazily strumming his black acoustic guitar. Dean was laying on his floor trying his best to do his homework, trying because his boyfriend was so damn distracting. It really wasn't fair, Cas usually didn't have any idea that he was being distracting. He just was. "Dean, can I play you a song?"_

_Dean laughed and closed his Algebra 2 book, “you always play me songs! As long at it isn't American Pie...”_

_Cas rolled his eyes, “It's not American Pie.. this time. It's actually a song I wrote for you.”_

_Dean sat up and turned his full attention to Cas, “uhm, yeah. That'd be awesome Cas.”_

_Castiel nodded and sat up, making room for Dean on his bed. Dean got up and sat down next to him. Cas let out a shaky breath before he started strumming. Dean recognized the tune, he had heard Cas playing it sometimes but would always stop when he noticed Dean listening. “This isn't a love song, I swear it's true. But I hope you don't mind if I mention how my heart only beats for you. I really hope that my silly rhymes don't fall through, I just want want you to realize all it is that you do.”_

_He kept strumming and Dean realized he was holding his breath. Cas didn't seem to notice and he kept singing, “I know I said this wasn't a love song. But we both know I haven't always been one to keep my word. And I hope you don't mind, or think this is absurd. I know you aren't one to believe in love but I don't believe there's anything else this feeling could be.”_

_Dean thought about stopping him right there, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wanted to hear the rest of the song, no matter how much it scared him to think that Castiel- his Cas, was in love with him. “So I hope you don't take this ballad and throw it away, and if you do, I hope you don't treat my heart the same way. I guess what I've been trying to say is, you're it for me. I would throw this all away if it got you to stay. I love you, and trust me on this, it's always been this way.”_

_He finished and kept his eyes down cast, afraid of what Dean might say. Dean answered by cupping his face in between his hands and kissing him. After about a minute he pulled away, a little breathless. “I love yo-”_

“WAKE THE HELL UP, DEAN!” Dean was awaken by Sam pounding on his door.

Dean groaned and covered his face with his hands. It was all a dream. Well, not a dream but a memory. He thought he was done having dreams about his ex. But now it seems like years of forgetting was all flushed down the drain because now the Novaks are in town and he just knows he'll run into Cas.

“What do you want, Sam?!” Dean called, not bothering to get out of bed just yet.

“I want you to get up. We have guests!” Dean heard his brother bounding down the stairs then. It was at times like this that he really regretted sharing a house with Sam. It was cheaper than owning a house by himself, but damn the kid could be annoying sometimes. Especially times like this.

Dean rolled out of bed and searched for something to wear, preferably clean. “Damn Sam inviting guests over,” he grumbled throwing a gray shirt over his head and pulling on some old blue jeans. He went to the bathroom to take care of business and then met his brother downstairs.

He really wished he would have thought about what guests Sam would be inviting over. If he had, he probably wouldn't be as surprised to be greeted by a table full of Novaks and some other guy he recognized as Balthazar. At that moment Dean thought about turning around and heading back upstairs to the comfort of his bedroom.

“Hey Dean-o! It's good to see you man!” Gabriel's said cheerily. He had a sucker in his mouth and his lips were stained red from candy already.

“Hey Gabe, it's could to see you too.” He took a seat next to Micheal. “Hey Micheal, Lucifer..” he trailed off, “Uh, Cas.”

Cas gave him a little nod, “Dean. This is Balthazar.”

Dean nodded his head, “I know. I see him in the magazines. Nice to meet you, man.”

“You as well, Dean. I heard a lot about you last night from a drunk Cas and a very informative Crowley.” the British man drawled. Dean couldn't help but roll his eyes. Cas could do so much better than this prick.

“I'm sure you learned a lot,” he agreed, looking over at Cas who was avoiding looking at Dean.

“Not that this sexual tension isn't fun and all,” Lucifer piped in, “but I do believe we were promised pancakes?”

Sam came out with a pull of strawberries, Cas' favorite, and set it in the middle of the table.

“Yeah, they're almost done. There's whip cream in the fridge and chocolate chips on the counter.”

Gabriel practically hopped up to grab the whip cream. Micheal rolled his eyes at his younger brother, “I would apologize for him, but you know.”

Dean nodded his head in agreement. He knew very well. “How have you all been? How's the famous life treatin' ya? I'm glad you didn't forget about all of us normal people down here in Kansas.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes, “As if we could forget about you, Dean Winchester. More than half of our songs are written abou-”

Castiel gave him a quick kick to the shins under the table that cut him off. Micheal glared at his twin and Gabriel couldn't help but bark out a laugh. Balthazar however just looked really confused. Sam, bless his heart, brought out the pancakes to dispel anything awkward that could come out of this conversation. Dean grabbed two pancakes and left to eat in his bedroom, stomping angrily on the way up the stairs. Suddenly he remembered why he hated hanging out with all of Castiel's family at once.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel managed to keep away from Dean until the big charity event on Friday evening. Balthazar asked many questions throughout the week about his ex, but Castiel really didn't feel like answering them.

 

Sam and Dean showed up to the show a little early while the band was warming up. Cas was messing around on the keyboard and Balthazar kept shooing him away. “Make me!” Cas challenged, sticking his tongue out at his band mate.

 

Balthazar rolled his eyes and grabbed Castiel, tickling his sides. The shorter boy let out a squeal and a “Okay okay! I won't touch it anymore!”

 

“You better not, darling.”

  
Dean felt sick to his stomach. “I should go,” he whispered turning on his heels to make a speedy exit.

 

“No, lets go sit down. People are starting to come in anyway.” Sam grabbed Dean by his arm and pulled him to a seat at the bar.

 

“What'll it be boys?” Crowley asked when they sat down. Dean just gave a shrug and turned around to watch the band some. “Would you like some whiskey with that pity party, Dean?”

 

Dean turned around angrily, “Listen, asshole-”

 

Crowley cut him off with a wave of his hand, “No, you listen. You weren't the only one who lost him, Dean. He left all of us. Now quit moping and by a damn drink. Look like you're enjoying your bloody self.” He gave both of the Winchester's a beer and stalked off to help another customer.

 

“What the hell was that about?” Dean asked, bewildered.

 

“I have no idea,” Sam replied with a shrug.

 

Castiel cleared his throat in the microphone and started speaking, “Hello everyone! Thank you for coming here tonight. We're gonna start this thing off with a song for my good friend Mister Crowley. The only one of my exes who still puts up with me!”

 

“And you're still a dumbass!” Crowley shouted with a laugh.

 

Castiel rolled his eyes and flipped the British man off. All in good fun of course.

 

“When did Cas date Crowley..?” Sam asked carefully.

 

Dean didn't have an answer. He had no idea. He just shook his head and downed his beer.

 

“Annywaaayyyy,” Cas' voice was loud and clear, and Dean didn't know if he could handle a whole night of this. “We'll sing this and then get on to your requests!”

Lucifer and Micheal started playing a catchy tune on the electric guitars and Gabriel started banging on the drums. Dean had to admit, they sounded better than they did when they were in high school. But then, Cas started singing. Dean hadn't actually listened to any of their songs, avoided the radio for cassette tapes, and left the house when Sam started to buy and play The Fallen Five's CDs.

 

Cas grabbed the microphone and started singing, a huge grin on his face. He loved it. “ _Saw a waitress, couldn't waste it. Opportunity knocks and you take it. Went to my place, gotta get a taste. Couple shots hit the bong now we're wasted. Now she's all in, the room is spinning. Probably shouldn't had that shot of Jameson. Here we go again, she's a perfect ten just tell me how I was in the morning._ ”

Dean thought he remembered Cas' voice over the years. It was the one thing he would hate himself if he forgot. But his mind really didn't do justice to the real thing. His voice was gravelly but he made it work.

  
The other boys joined in on the chorus, and they didn't have the best voices but it was all for fun and it was obvious they liked the song, “ _The night's far from over. I'm far from sober, but she's looking fine. We're gonna be up all night. Gonna take you for a ride. We're gonna be up all night. Get it on 'til the morning light. We're gonna be up all night. Doing things your dad won't like, so far from sober that I'll have to sleep through the hangover_.”

 

There was another verse and Castiel finished out the last chorus by having people clap on the beat and sing along. Looking around the bar, everyone seemed to be having a great time... except for Dean. 

 

“This next song is one I love but unfortunately my dear brother Lucifer hates it. So he has requested that Sam Winchester come up and sing American Pie so he can go to the bathroom and vomit from having to and I quote, 'hear this fucking song for the millionth time'”

 

The crowd started cheering and Lucifer put his guitar down before hopping off stage and running to the back. Sam was petrified. He didn't sing. He shook his head at Cas who frowned and hopped off the stage, running over to him. He was already sweating a little bit, his blue eyes were wild. “C'mon, Sam!”

 

Dean wasn't paying attention to the little crisis Sam was having. He was freaking out about how close he was to Cas. He was semi close to him at breakfast, but he bailed before too long, so this was.. hard. “Go on, Sammy.” Dean managed to croak out. Anything to get Cas away from him, really. He was gonna need another beer, or something harder probably.

 

Sam groaned but agreed, “fine.” 

 

Castiel hopped with glee and skipped to the stage with Sam following behind him. Gabriel winked at Sam when they got on stage. Sam shifted uncomfortably as Micheal handed him a hand held microphone. “I trust you know this song. It was a huge part of your childhood,” Cas said with a grin. 

 

“I at least know the chorus.” Sam replied with a nervous laugh.

  
Cas gave him a pat on the shoulder. Balthazar started to play the intro and Cas began singing, “ _ A long, long time ago .  I can still remember how that music used to make me smile, and I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance a nd maybe they'd be happy for a while. But February made me shiver with every paper I'd deliver. Bad news on the doorstep .  I couldn't take one more step .  I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride , b ut something touched me deep inside .  The day the music died _ ” Micheal then started strumming on an acoustic guitar and Sam joined in on the chorus, which he did in fact know. “ _ So bye-bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry, and them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye s ingin' 'This'll be the day that I die .  _ _This'll be the day that I die._ '” Gabriel started banging on the drums with a goofy grin on his face. Sam loosened up and started dancing around on stage during the second verse. Cas glanced over at the huge man acting like a child and smiled.

 

Dean couldn't help but think about all the good times him and Cas had. He remembered even Castiel blasting this song in the Impala and making Dean pull over to dance with him under the stars. It was at that moment he knew he was going to have to talk to Cas. It was his fault that they ended and he needed to at least have some closure. They both needed it. 

 

“ _Did you write the book of love, and do you have faith in God above if the Bible tells you so? Now do you believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul, and can you teach me how to dance real slow? Well, I know that you're in love with him, 'cause I saw you dancin' in the gym. You both kicked off your shoes. Man, I dig those rhythm and blues. I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck with a pink carnation and a pickup truck, but I knew I was out of luck. The day the music died_ ”

 

Lucifer hopped back on stage at the end of the second verse and started dancing with Sam. Cas rolled his eyes and kept on singing, his eyes sparkling with excitement. By the end of the song everyone had abandoned their instruments and were dancing with people in the audience. Cas was still holding the microphone but was going in between singing and dancing with everyone. 

 

Dean smiled watching as Cas danced with Mary and John shooed him off. Cas hopped on top of the bar. Crowley was shouting at him and hitting him with a towel but Castiel ignored him grabbing a bottle of whiskey off of one of the shelves before jumping down. 

 

The song ended finally and everyone seemed equally worn out. Sam returned to his seat by Dean, sweating and smiling like a dork. “You did good up there, Sam. You don't have that bad of a voice. Thank god for puberty, am I right?” 

 

“Shut up, jerk.”

 

“Bitch!”

 

They did some more covers of songs that people had requested. Some of them were really dumb (the girl who picked a stupid Taylor Swift song) but Cas did them anyway, and some of them he did better than the original artist (Ahem, Taylor Swift). It was about 11 when Cas, who seemed very intoxicated, said he was picking the last song. 

 

“So, this is a song that has really helped me in times of trouble. It reminds me of some of my old friends and a lot of my childhood, so I hope I do the song justice and I really hope you enjoy it.”

 

That was the first time that night that he seemed actually nervous. He looked like he was blushing, but he might just have red cheeks from being too hot or just drunk. 

 

Micheal and Lucifer fist bumped before they started playing the intro. Cas cleared his voice and started singing, “ _My ship went down in a sea of sound. When I woke up alone I had everything: a handful of moments I wished I could change, and a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade. In a city of fools, I was careful and cool, but they tore me apart like a hurricane... A handful of moments I wished I could change but I was carried away. Give me therapy. I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything. Therapy... You were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery._ ”

 

The song seemed very- Cas like to Dean. He missed when Cas sang love songs to him and only him. He wanted to make things right again. 

 

Castiel looked right at Dean as he sang the phrase “ _Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to. They're better off without you._ ” Dean felt his throat tighten up and he knew that Cas was singing this to him. Sam must have noticed too because he rubbed his brother's shoulder.

  
Micheal repeated the phrase, “ _better off without you_.”  
  
“ _Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you're supposed to. They'll fall asleep without you. You're lucky if your memory remains_.” 

 

Then he sang the chorus again and Dean knew the song was coming to an end. Then the last chorus, “ _Therapy... I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything. Therapy... You were never a friend to me, and you can choke on your misery._ ”

 

The crowd erupted in applause. Everyone stood and clapped. Castiel looked at the ground sheepishly. He had heard applause many times before, he held sold out concerts for gods sake, but somehow, being in front of his friends and family, it was different. “Thank you all! I'll be here for one more week and I'm trying to get Crowley here to let us play another concert for you guys only this time, our songs.” The crowd cheered louder and the boys exited the stage.

 

Gabriel ran up to Sam after the concert. He gave the boy a big sweaty hug, “how was the concert, kiddo?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, “I'm the same age as you, jerk! It was great. You're really awesome.”

 

“I know I am!”

 

Sam rolled his eyes and pushed at the shorter man's chest.

 

“Woahh, second base already? At least take me to dinner first, Samantha.”

 

“Fine. Tomorrow. 6 o' clock. We'll meet here. Don't be late.” He walked off before Gabriel could say anything. He thought about following after Sam, but instead he just stood there looking like an idiot.

 

Dean was waiting near the stage waiting for Cas to get done talking to a bunch of teenage girls who were fawning over him. He couldn't help but roll his eyes, Cas wouldn't go for any of them.

 

Cas signed their tee shirts and the ran off squealing. Finally, it was Dean's turn.

 

“Hey, Cas! Good show tonight. You were really, really awesome.” Dean praised.

 

“Thanks, Dean... I'm surprised you came actually,” he kept his gaze at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

 

“Yeah uh, Mom and Dad wanted me to be here to support you guys, so...”

 

Cas nodded.

 

“Look, I wanted to talk to you, but it's late and we've both been drinking. So can we get together maybe tomorrow? I just- have some things to explain to you. And some questions to ask and..” he trailed off, he was rambling. He didn't ramble unless he was nervous or drunk, at this point he was both.

 

“We can talk. I don't know what kind of answers I'll be able to give, but we can talk.” He turned around and grabbed a napkin and a sharpie off of a table. He bent over and wrote something down messily. “This is my address. Come over sometime after noon. I'll be awake,” he held out the napkin and Dean took it.

 

“Okay, Cas. That's great! I'll see you tomorrow.”

 

Cas nodded and gave him a little wave before turning around to greet some other fans waiting for him.

 

Dean stared down at the napkin. He wasn't completely sure how this was going to work, but he knew he had to make it some how.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos! It really motivates me to write :) Also thank you for leaving comments if you have. Leave more if you have questions or anything like that!  
> s  
> Cas' band sings these songs:
> 
> Up All Night by Hinder  
> American Pie by Don McLean  
> Therapy by All Time Low
> 
> if you want to know the other songs I had planned for them to sing (The Taylor Swift one too) leave me a comment or message me on Tumblr (sweatersandbowlegs)
> 
> Again, thank you for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

“Castiel, go answer the damn door. Someone has been knocking for about five minutes.” Balthazar groaned, sticking his head under a pillow.

 

Cas shot up and looked over at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 12:15. It was after noon. Cas can only think of two people cruel enough to come knocking at this time of day when they knew he had been drinking profusely the night before; Crowley and Gabriel. Neither one of them would care if he only answered the door in his boxers, and if they did, they would hopefully leave.

 

“I'm coming!” He shouted, pushing the covers off of him, and walking very slowly to the door. He had an awful headache and he knew this day was going to be awful. Not to mention that he had to meet with Dean eventually later. Why exactly had he agreed to meet with his ex that he hadn't seen in.. probably more than ten years. He was an idiot. Thinking about his later date with Dean made his head hurt more. He closed his eyes and opened the door, “What do you want?”

 

“Oh.. uh- sorry, Cas. You said you'd be awake and.. uh.”

 

Cas' eyes snapped open. “Dean?! Fuck. Uh. Yeah, sorry I drank more than I thought I had last night and wasn't up as early as I thought I would be.” The top of his ears turned bright red, he could feel the warmth. Really, what were the chances that he'd be standing in front of Dean Winchester in his boxers.

 

“Yeah, I brought hang over stuff. Along with burgers since it's technically lunch time,” Dean kept his eyes trained to the floor. Definitely not checking Cas out.

 

“Alright, come on in. I'm just gonna go ahead and get into something... more comfortable?” He wanted to crawl under a rock. More comfortable? Really, Cas.

 

Dean stepped in the small apartment that Cas had for when he came to visit his parents and looked around awkwardly, “yeah, go ahead, man. I'll just.. set this stuff down?” He raised the bags up.

 

“Right, we can eat at the table,” he pointed to the small kitchen and darted to his bedroom.

 

Dean sat down at the table and pulled out the burgers and fries, trying to busy himself. He really should have listened to Sam.

 

“ _Dean, the guy said after noon. He didn't mean, right after noon!”_

“ _Shut up and worry about your own problems with the Novaks. Lucifer or Gabe? Personally I'd go Gabe, but you're a kinky asshole so who knows at this point?”_

“ _What are you talking about?!”_

“ _Oh come on, I remember the childhood crush you had on the guy, no use denying it!”_

 

What was worse was that Cas had answered the door in his boxers. That were freaking dark blue and matched his eyes. Seriously, why did he do that? Dean needed to stop thinking about Cas with only one article of clothing on. Cas, who was more tan than he used to be.. and more muscular.. and more disheveled, and okay that's enough, Winchester.

 

“I'm really sorry about that, Dean.” Cas said as he walked into the little kitchen, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

He was now wearing sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Which didn't make him look any less attractive to Dean, but it was a little better at least.

 

“It's fine. Sam told me I was a bit early, but... I don't know it was stupid, seriously.”

 

“You're forgiven, but only because you brought food,” Cas teased and grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge. He sat next to Dean and handed him a bottle, “I'm guessing you brought advil?”

 

Dean nodded and handed him two pills.

 

“Oh, Dean. Taking care of me just like old times.”

 

They both stiffened. Castiel hadn't meant to say that. It just came out. And now things were awkward. Incredibly so. Maybe this is why people say you can't be friends with your exes.

 

Dean cleared his throat and started picking at his french fries, “You can probably pay people to take care of you now.” It was meant to lighten things up, but it didn't.

 

“Why did you want to talk, Dean?” Cas asked, cutting straight to the chase. He didn't want to dance around the real reason Dean came.

 

“I don't know... I guess I just miss you?” It sounded better in Dean's head. He actually had this whole conversation planned out. He would say how much he missed Cas and how he kept tabs on him, and how he was a stupid teenager when he pushed him away and Cas would fall back in love with him and they'd live happily ever after.

 

“I've been back here how many times since we broke up... and now you miss me?” Castiel asked, disbelief clear in his voice.

 

“I'm a little shit, Cas. I was terrified. And apparently you dated Crowley?”

 

“What I did with Crowley many years after you broke up with me is hardly any of your business, Dean.”

  
“I want you to be my business, Cas! You've been on my mind every day since I made you walk away. Sam told me you were coming back for this charity event and I was terrified, but last night I knew I had to apologize. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was scared and didn't want you throwing a career away for me. I'm sorry that I never called you back after you called me for the first few months.”

 

Cas stood up and cleared his throat, “I think you should go now, Dean.”

 

“What?”

 

“I need time to think after all that. So, please, just go.”

 

Dean nodded stiffly and headed towards the door, “Sorry, Cas.”

 

Castiel followed him and nodded curtly, “It's fine.. I just need some time.”

 

“Right, well, I'll see you around maybe.” He slipped out the door, and Cas shut it behind him.

Cas shakily sat down on the floor and brought his knees up to his chest. It was too early to think about everything that had happened between him and Dean. If Dean wouldn't have pushed him away who knows where they would be now? The thought brings tears to Castiel's eyes. “Damnit!” He shouted, probably waking Balthazar, but he didn't care. He hadn't cried over Dean in.. years. And everything came undone in less than an hour.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late update, sorry guys! Next chapter coming next week since I'll be gone without a laptop all week.   
> Thanks for reading :) Sorry for any mistakes, I don't have a beta and It's really late/early in the morning.
> 
> COMING UP:  
> Sam and Gabriel's date.  
> WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN DEAN AND CAS?!  
> Probably some Lucifer  
> Balthazar being confused


	5. the past isn't so much in the past

_Dean had seen this coming, really. He would have to be an idiot if he said this came as a huge surprise. Of course Cas' band would eventually kick off, he was talented. Dean knew that more than anybody. He just thought when Cas did get big, he would be a lot more happy about it than he is right now._

_"That's.. uh, really great, babe." Dean shuffled awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck._

_Cas was wheezing a bit, standing in front of Dean's door, "Yeah, I just found out and-" he let out a cough, "and I ran to come and tell you!"_

_"So, when do you.. leave or whatever?" He asked, leaning against the door frame._

_"Next week!"_

_Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Next week?! What about.. school? Sammy will die without you here to give him Chemistry help. We both know I sure as hell can't do it! and... yeah," he wanted to say, 'what about me? don't leave me here. I love you, remember?'_

_"There's only two months of school left, Dean. I'll get my GED."_

_"Glad you have it all figured out, Cas."_

_"Well, there was one thing I don't have figured out. I was wondering, after you graduate... will you come on the road with me?"_

_Yes, Dean thought right away. He'd go anywhere with Cas. But, "I don't wanna just be one of your roadies, man. I want to actually go to college, have a real career while you're out playing rock star." It was a low blow and Dean knew it, but couldn't help it._

_"Oh, uhm, okay. Well, I'm gonna go celebrate some with my family. We still on for tonight?"_

_"Yeah, sure, Cas. Whatever."_

_Castiel smiled, but it didn't really reach his eyes. He turned on his heels and left._

_Now Dean felt like a dick. He sighed and closed the door, heading to his living room. "Who was it, sweetie?" Mary asked when Dean plopped down next to her on the old leather couch._

_"It was Cas. He found someone who wants to give him a record label. He's leaving next week to start recording."_

_"You don't seem very happy about that," of course she would notice Dean's sour attitude. She knew him better than anyone else._

_"He's leaving me mom. I don't know if we'll be able to make it long distance. I mean, he'll probably meet a bunch of other hot boys who will fall all over him and will be willing to follow him on the road... and I'm just not. I want to go to college and stuff, and I just.." he trailed off with a sigh._

_"That seems like stuff you don't need to worry about right now, Dean. Now you can sit here and sulk over events that haven't even happened, or you can help me bake a pie for your boyfriend to congratulate him."_

_"Right.. yeah. Thanks mom._

**~**

"So, what happened after all that?" Gabriel asked. "Cassie never told us the whole story, and it seems like Dean-o told you just about everything."

Sam rolled his eyes. This really wasn't how he wanted to spend his date with Gabe. "If I tell you how they broke up will you please. PLEASE. stop asking me about my brother on our date?"

Gabriel nodded his head.

"Right okay well after that Cas came over for dinner.."

**~**

_"Thank you for the meal, Mrs. Winchester. It was wonderful!" Cas exclaimed, rubbing his belly._

_"You're very welcome, dear. And please, call me Mary."_

_Cas blushed and looked down at the table. He never could get that hang of calling Dean's parents by their first names._

_"Wanna go for a walk, Cas?" Dean asked. He hadn't said much of anything at dinner. He was too busy thinking about what he was going to have to do next._

_"It's kind of cold, and I forgot a jacket..."_

_"You can borrow one of mine."_

_"Okay, Dean. We can go on a walk."_

_Dean stood up and went to grab two jackets from his room. He got his old blue Jedi sweatshirt that Cas usually stole anyway, and his favorite leather jacket. He met Cas by the door and handed him the jacket._

_Castiel reached out to grab Dean's hand as they slipped out the door._

_Dean gripped his hand a little tighter than usual, who knew how many more times like this they would have?_

_"Dean, I was thinking..."_

_He's going to break up with him, Dean knew it deep in his bones. He swallowed hard._

_"I don't have to go. I mean, the guys can find a new lead singer. I love singing and performing, but I love you more and I'd do anything to make it work."_

_That was almost worse than him breaking up with Dean. "Cas, you can't do that." Dean stopped walking and took his hand from Cas, shoving it in his pocket. "This is your life."_

_"But Dean you said it wasn't a real career, and you were right. You don't want to follow me, and I don't want anyone else following me. So this seemed like the only other option.."_

_"I don't want you to stay with me, Cas!" Dean shouted, it was a little more harsh than he expected it to be._

_"What?  It's not your choice, Dean. It's mine." Cas yelled back. That was one thing about his boyfriend that he loved, he didn't deal with Dean's shit._

_The younger boy wouldn't just leave Dean, and he knew that. Dean knew what he had to do, even though it was going to hurt both of them like hell, "Cas, you don't understand. I don't want you anymore. We both know this relationship wasn't going to really work out past high school. You and I are completely different people, and it was fun while it lasted, but it's over now. Leave. I don't really want you around anymore."_

_And Castiel just believed him. His blue eyes filled up with tears, that he tried to rub away on his- Dean's- sweatshirt sleeve. He didn't say anything. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out._

_"Go. I don't want you around me, or my parents, or Sammy anymore. Don't call. Just... go, please." Then, Dean did one thing he never thought he would do to Castiel. He left. He turned around and didn't look back. He never knew how long Cas stood there. He went back home and locked himself in his room for days, not wanting to talk about it to anyone. Finally Mary made him talk, but by then it was too late. Castiel was gone."_

**~**

Gabriel let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, "Wow, that's... so fucked up. I never knew that side of the story. They could still be together if it weren't because of your dumb ass brother!"

Sam picked away at his food, "I know.. Please don't tell Cas what really happened. He seems happy with Balthazar and I really don't want this to mess him up. It was years ago, and Dean is still pining for Cas, but it's not his place anymore."

Gabe knew he couldn't keep that promise because he knew Cas still loved Dean. Instead, he changed the topic, "How did you get to be such a Sasquatch, Sammy?"

Sam glared at the shorter man and threw a french fry at him- which Gabriel caught in his mouth effortlessly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO ALL. :) How is everyone? Good I hope!  
> Well, now you know what happened between Dean and Cas :(  
> I will write more about Gabriel and Sam's date next chapter, I promise!!  
> I'll update soon, I promise! but you should all know, I start school August 18 and updates will probably be slower than usual, but until then I will update as often as possible :)


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